5 Things on My Mind: March Edition

1. Legal memos.  Writing them.  Totally freaks me out.  It's like-the partner reading them knows how well you can (or cannot) reason and distill information-I feel so vulnerable and stupid.  It's like I'd rather walk into their office and let them examine my cellulite ass before picking over my memo.  And this particular partner was a journalism major and EDITOR of the newspaper at freaking Madison.  I got my first piece of writing back from her covered in red ink.  BLARGH!  I have to write it anyway.  At the very least, it's an interesting topic area, there was a ton of information available, and it shouldn't take me too long to piece together something that is at least fairly cognizant.  Blast!  

2. Stirring the turd.  I like to do it.  Riling shit up.  Picking at the drama scab.  Just a little.  It's a bad habit.   BUT sometimes I think it's good to remind a woman that there's still enough interest and connection for her to get jealous.  I did that yesterday.  Just left a little comment for someone other than who the comment was for to see.   Fucked up, but effective.  It keeps my life interesting and their lives interesting.  Although it's not my place and I have boundary issues, but I backed off pretty fast and completely.  I know people have done that shit to me.  It's fun sometimes.  

3. Wine country USA here I come.  I've decided that after graduation my BIG celebratory vacation will be to California-all Sideways style-to visit vineyards and drink wine.  I kept on feeling pressure to like go to a beach in some tropical land and force my husband through drugs and emotional blackmail to get on a plane.  Then I was like-wait a minute.  I can't sit in the sun due to my skin that's just asking for cancer burn-in fact I don't really like sitting in the sun.  I get kind-of bored.  I don't like the heat all that much.  I mean-who isn't awe inspired my the ocean-but I don't need it out my window.  What I do like: 1. Drinking wine, 2. Dining al fresco and eating really, really well made food, 3. Going for walks at dusk when it's just starting to cool down, 4. Making love in pretty places. 

Voila-California.  Never been.  Can do all of the above. And we can drive there.  Case Closed.  I'm taking two weeks to explore a part of the country I've never seen and drink wine.  WHY didn't I think of this sooner?!

4. Extracurricular activities.  I'm constantly reading about very cool things to do in the cities, but we rarely do.  We don't go go movies, shows, art exhibits. Nada.  I do that stuff with my girlfriends, but not my husband.  Why?  Partly because we're such HUGE homebodies, partly because we're broke, and partly because we're lazy.  I think it's also partly because all my husband really wants to do is pick up a guitar and watch Netflix movies and I'm not stopping him.  Also, he's all fucking responsible now.  Like-we can't spend money, we have to pay the bills, we can get food at the grocery store, blah, blah, blah.  FUCK! I thought I married a musician/artist not a fucking PAPA in training.  I can't believe he's on the fence about kids sometimes-he's already making dad jokes and driving around an efficient SUV just asking for a car seat to be put in the back.  I want to get my kicks in while we're young.  Well, while I'm young.   Since he's hit 30 he wants to be close to home in case the sudden urge for a nap hits. 

5. School.  It really should be on my mind-but isn't which is slightly worrisome.  It's like I'm on mile 23 of a marathon and am like-FUCK this, I'm going to go get a beer and a burger. I need to get back on the horse, back in the saddle, back in the game, back into anywhere.  But it's so hard and I feel so whiny about it.  Can't I just read blogs and watch LOST.  LOST is another thing on my mind, but it's so deeply nerdy and overwhelmingly boring (even more so than the rest of this post) to anyone that doesn't watch I won't talk about it here.  I'll leave that discussion for the message boards.  Anyway, it's March.  It's daylight savings.  And I have a whole semester ahead of me to not screw up.  What else is new?  

5 Things On My Mind: The February Edition

1. Birth control in hormonal form.
My husband recently said to me that he feels like he is married to a teenage boy (me) due to my seemingly incessant desire to do it. I disagree that my sex drive parallels that of a teenage boy, but I digress. When I was on the pill-a marvelous invention for young women everywhere-I was still in the mood for sex-what teenager isn't? But about three years ago I decided that I didn't want to be on hormones anymore-my mom had actually had a friggin' heart attack from hormones-and I just wasn't into that artificial shit being pumped into my body tricking it into believing it was pregnant. I only want to trick my body into believing it's happy through the use of alcohol. I got off the pill and onto the diaphragm (so 1970's and I couldn't believe my doctor who seemed annoyed with the whole fitting me process-she could not understand WHY I would want to get off the pill). Anyway, the diaphragm was not my style-especially when I tried to use it while tricking my body into happiness-so I've been using "natural family planning" for over 2 years. So far it's worked like a charm-maybe I'm just sterile-but I won't worry about that now. I've noticed that natural hormonal peaks and valleys have brought back my "natural" sex drive in the form of a raging girl hard-on and I really think they don't tell young women that the pill can kill off your desire. Maybe not for every woman, but for me the pill was like a wet blanket on my sex fire. For a Scorpio-that's not good. So I'm all for non-hormonal, monogamous, horny sex now.

2. Unfriending friends and family on Facebook.
Ugggg...facebook. It fulfills my desire to see what's (superficially) going on with old friends, kind-of strangers, enemies, this totally fucked up array of people that I would normally never know about. It's like disturbed the natural order of things. Knowing myself I don't need those constant pop up feed reminders about someone to remember-Oh I used to hate you and and you're from a time of my life when I totally felt like shit-but it's good to know that your office is cold or that you're just running on caffine today. Gross. So I had to weed out my facebook to just people I know or really don't care about knowing. That sounds harsh. It's like I'm trying to make the Facebook experience more psychologically sound when it's already sort-of a fucked up exercise in narcissism-at least if you're someone like me. That was step one.

Step two was unfriending each and every person I don't talk to in real life. I just want to be friends with people that A. I know about in real life and keep up with outside of the internet or 2. Whose posts I find entertaining and, at times, even enlightening.
That involved unfriending my parent's- in -law and their kids. That sounds doubly harsh, but I don't need people I see twice a year feeling like they know me through my stupid facebook posts. They can read my blog for Christ's sake.

This facebook thing can be innocuous or unhealthy-and I've talked about it way too much in this post showing that for me it's tends to be the latter. So I'm trying to keep that in check-I still can't let it go completely as it's convenient and gives me a place to talk about myself (my husband this morning, "Why do you like to talk about yourself so much?" I think it's just because I like to talk-something he's not a fan of-so I talk about the subject I know that most about-Myself. Also, I'm a self-centered asshole, but I'm always trying to find a way around that.)

3. Kundalini yoga.
I'm really getting into it and have found a studio right next to my office, which I take as a sign, but is really just a convenient coincidence. It's just on my mind-how and when I'll take classes. The end.

4. Amtrak vacations.
I want to go on a train vacation out west or to Canada. We can't afford it this year, but I have this romantic notion of sleeping in the sleeper car and drinking cocktails in the dining car. It's like an Alfred Hitchcock movie in my head without the murder and mystery-although if those things do happen it adds some spice to the equation.

5.Vegetarian Foods.
I love veggie burgers, veggie corn dogs, veggie taco meat, and veggie sausage. I really don't feel the need to eat meat anymore-unless it's all locally raised in a moral way and shit. But really, the only meat I would have trouble giving up is pepperoni and they must have an adequate substitute for that. It's somewhat telling that I'm only o.k. with becoming a full-on vegetarians because all of the substitutes make it easy to not really feel like I'm sacrificing anything. Lazy.

I'm now officially on spring break which puts me in the mood to do absolutely nothing. That's not true. It puts me in the mood to go through cookbooks and look at recipes, walk my dog in the snow, and research train vacations online. I do have to do to work, but at least at the end of the day I can go home and not to a classroom.


Expect increased blogging to ensue.