Tuesday, May 5, 2009

31 Again.

Today is my husband's 31st.  Into his 30's they say.  It will go by in a flash. Much faster than his 20's.  

Birthdays.  They surround our relationship.  I met my husband when I was 20 and fresh back from Spain-wearing these hip red "trainers" and totally 20 pounds skinnier than I am now.  He was dating my friend Leah.  

Ah, the good old days. 

My husband came to my 21st birthday.  Of course I didn't know he was my husband at the time.  Although it seems like such a short time ago-in that moment-a life of domesticity seemed way off-it went by in a flash!  

We started dating, and by that I mean "dating" right after his 26th birthday.  I was still 21.  Oh, but so stupid.  I am still stupid.  But maybe the kind of stupid I was then was helpful to our relationship.  Because I kept seeing him.  

Even at 21 I felt like-this weird awkwardness-that I still feel with him-but also THIS I want to take you home and keep you forever. 

Other people have told me this about him-Oh, he's so comfortable-he's so easy to talk to- and I see how you could feel that-I did. 

But it was more-Hello you-here we are-and WHOA-we bought a house together and got married. 

I loved my husband before he was my husband.  And I loved him more after.  

carrying on-he is 31 today.  5 years after we met.  

Why do I worship my relationship so?  

Because.  Life is messy.  Professional relationships are built on a certain amount of misrepresentation.  Family relationships are operating out of years of dysfunction.  Friendships-although invaluable-end at the door and good-bye.  Friendships are extremely necessary-and often help you live longer-but that person at the end of the line-when it's all good. 

They are who you COME home to.   Because they are home. 

That's why I totally glorify relationships that last a lifetime and the partners die within hours/months/weeks of each other.  

You operate as a unit-but this cool family/sleeping with each other-unit.  I don't know. 

I'm just spewing smashed words. 

I so believe in monogamy and marriage.  Everyone should be allowed to get married and everyone should. 

Because when this whole fucking world is against you-having someone stand up and hang their hat with yours-in front of whatever community is important to you-it's pretty strong. 

It at least gives you someone to hold onto while you're waiting to die.  

Sometimes morbid thoughts make you very sentimental for great romance.